We’re ready to join GAA’s new dance but someone will have to count us in

There’s a chance that the late English writer and philosopher Alan Watts wasn’t actually referring to Gaelic football when he said: “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Still, though, it was spooky that one of the tunes blasted from the Croke Park speakers at half-time in Saturday’s rule-tweaking interprovincial series was: Let’s Dance.
And that’s precisely what Ulster, Connacht, Leinster and Munster did over the weekend, although they were stepping on each other’s toes a bit in Friday’s games, struggling a bit to get to grips with these new-fangled rules. No more than those of us tuning in.
Your heart had to go out to the TG4 and RTÉ people tasked with updating the scores on the screen, what with there being two points for a 45 or a free from outside the arc, one for a score from inside the arc, and four for a goal. But they weren’t alone in needing a calculator. “As far as the scoring goes, my maths wouldn’t be great, so I was struggling to figure out what it was,” said Rian O’Neill, the man of the match in the final.
It could be, if this scoring system is approved by Central Council and Congress, we’ll have to wait until an hour after matches to learn who won.
But the final was tremendous, needing penalties to settle it, Joanne Cantwell’s panel of Peter Canavan, Ciaran Whelan and intercounty referee Martin McNally all enthusiastic enough about the spectacle, if unconvinced by some of the tweaking. “But we’ve no choice, we have to embrace these rules,” said Canavan, citing some matches he’d seen of late where he was left feeling it would be time he’d never get back in his life.
The one innovation, incidentally, that this couch would like to see scrapped is that hooter. It was so ear-splitting at Croke Park over the weekend, the Labrador legged it upstairs. So, that has to go.
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(Hurling, most would argue, doesn’t need much – if any – changing at all. But ‘Ger Loughnane’, chairman of its review committee, is proposing that the black, yellow and red cards be ditched, to be “replaced by medical cards, dental cards and, when needed, mass cards”. He wants to get rid of sweepers too. “They’re only doing it for the clicks and the likes on sociable media … feck off, no more.” Truly, Conor ‘Sketches’ Moore’s Ger Loughnane is a treasure).
Ger Canning was on duty for the RTÉ News channel for Saturday’s third place play-off, but come Sunday he was multitasking over at Tallaght Stadium for the FAI Cup final between holders and league champions Athlone Town and Shelbourne. This is turning in to an annual event – it’s the third year running the sides have met in the final.
Marie Crowe and her panel of Aine O’Gorman, Stephanie Zambra and Rianna Jarrett were blessed to be indoors, poor Valerie Wheeler down on the touchline and in danger of being lifted to Reykjavik by Storm Ashley. As were the camera people who struggled with the gusts, the pictures so rocky at stages some of us were feeling decidedly queasy.
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Which Athlone were too when they went 4-0 down six minutes before half-time. “This is hard to explain,” said Ger, probably just relieved that each goal wasn’t worth four points, otherwise it would have bordered on a cricket score. Within minutes, 6-0. “It’s very hard to put words on it,” said his co-commentator Méabh De Búrca who was as bewildered as those who forecast a tight game with probably no more than a goal in it. Hush.
Athlone pulled a goal back, but the panel didn’t know where to start at the break. “Everything Shels touched just seemed to go in,” said Stephanie, noting that Athlone even had the storm at their backs. Mind you, when your deft passes end up closer to Reykjavik than the striker’s feet, a storm at your back is significantly more a hindrance than a help.
At least it was still just 6-1 at full-time. But Marie went there. Athlone? “Shel-shocked.”